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Ogreatyme
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Birthday: 2/7/1988
Interests: I luv to write, read, go places, be home, watch movies, choclate, anything good that feels good and doesn't have horrible after effects except for choclate of coarse.
Expertise: Yep I am gonna become a nun... now I'm really sure.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  AireDyver
Member Since:
5/15/2004
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| I am sitting on my once-mine chair in my once-mine living room typing on my laptop (which is still mine). My once-mine room has been locked up, I will be leaving Flagstaff tomorrow. So many rites of passages to see. Almost all of my friends are leaving this place. All three of my roommates are leaving, two graduating, one getting married. Alex, Danielle, Amy, Joshua, Scuba, and Devon are either leaving or graduating and staying.
I am not staying Flagstaff this summer. I am not going back to my parent's house either. No, I have a volunteer position over in Colorado in Pagosa Springs.
It seems like everyone is really going their separate ways. Mike (Sena, best dude friend)and Mike Brown are staying here and are still working at the job I left that fateful summer. Jessica, my best chick friend and roommate of two years is being stolen by her boyfriend Ross, I and her sweet family (they are really sweet!) are giving her away on the 16th. Amy is going back to Colorado never to return till we will meet in some random grocery store, or board meeting or on an Airplane headed to some remote country out in the middle of no where. Danielle I have no clue about though she is probably in Phoenix or with her mate Phil. Alex again I shall probably not meet unless for some odd reason he is in PHX when I am in PHX, I will miss him a little bit. Joshua will be in Nebraska, he and I are doing a Bible Study over the phone. My brother is in boot camp for the Navy, he will graduate in June, and then head straight out to some other place that he does not know of at this point. He and I don't talk as much as we used to.
I almost feel like this is an ending to a chapter in my life, except everyone else is getting the rite of passage, and I really am not. I keep having these seriously odd dreams, I think my subconscious is torturing me, for not wanting to reproduce at this point in my life. For the past couple of nights my dreams have been something like this.
There is a man, he is amazing and is pretty much everything I ever wanted and. get this, he wants me back. No problem right? No. you are wrong. I will tell him that we can't be together.There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be, it just is.
I seriously hate this dream and I am certain my subconscious is really just beating my mangled heart to pieces right now. I can't do it. I won't do it. I like my life the way it is, the only thing I need a man for at this point is to help me carry down boxes. I think its really odd what people are saying when I tell them I don't think I am ready to have a boyfriend. The pattern is very similar. I tell them I am not ready, they say you will be ready when you find the right person, and who knows? Maybe there is a cute guy waiting for you up in Pagosa Springs. Then I go through the reasons I am guarding myself against it. First off, this archaeology position is important to my career: I do not want to look like some shallow headed person who wants a boyfriend, I am leaving from Colorado to Arizona afterwards, and then graduating and moving back with the parentals for a little bit. Then I will either, a. go to gradschool, or b. get a career. Secondly, it won't work out. I am not ready. period. end. of. story.
I think I am still healing, I think I have probably forgiven everyone that has wronged me, but I haven't felt like forgiving myself. I need to forgive myself, I just don't know how. It sounds weird, but I also do not really think I am worthy enough to have a boyfriend just yet. It sounds terrible, but I need to work on certain virtues and qualities that I myself would want in a partner. So I am in Phoenix for a week and will be doing my first and longest drive down to California next next week. Then all the way up to Colorado to do the rest of my summer.
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| I am graduating in the fall with just an anthropology degree, but hey its worth it. I will probably be back in California in Early December, for some time unless I find a job outside of Cali.
I think I am going to take a year or two before going into grad school, since it looks like that option will be hard since everyone is going to gradschool and higher education is being cut more, making Gradschool either very expensive or not at all. Hopefully I will find a job that will apply my cultural skills that I got my degree for, but if not oh well. I figure if all is for the worst I can get into a field school in spring or summer, which is excellent for archaeology.
This is where all of you come in, since I am in Arizona could you guys keep an eye open and see if you can find a job for an anthropologist? Anthropologists specialize in culture and communities. We are great mediators, community oriented, artistic (more an audience of an artist). The problem is I don't even really know where to go.
Here is a list of jobs I can do:
Academic Advisor
Park Interpreter
Admissions Counselor
Parks/Zoological Consultant
Archeology Fieldworker
Pollster
Foreign Service Officer
Probation Officer
Genealogist
Public Health Educator
Insurance Underwriter
Public Relations Representative
Market Research Analyst
Social and Community Service Manager
Museum Technician
Technical Writer
I'm looking around now, but if you spot something, please call me! Thank you this will be a lot of help.
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| Yeah, that whole playing it slow with Brandon (my boyfriend) thing? doesn't work. I haven't done anything serious, anything that makes me feel too guilty. I did convert back to Christianity, and I am remaining abstinent as much as possible, but there is nothing like a good snogging session. Brandon and I have both gotten to the point where we believe we need to control ourselves, or get in serious trouble. We have decided to not kiss anymore, at least for awhile. I actually kind of think its a good idea. I want a great relationship with this guy, and I would rather have that than all the sex (and kisses) in the world. I guess in a way thats new. I might be wrong but I think I'm growing up.
What hasn't changed is my classes, something that I wish had changed already. Finals are next week. I have survived through the semester. I might be getting all B's though, this semester has been rough from the very beginning. I have a new job. Closest I've ever gotten to an Anthro position. I am doing archaeological mapping. Which hopefully will be pretty fun. I hope you guys are doing alright. I'll be back home probably on the 20th. Call me so we can hang out sometime. | | |
| So when the elections were happening, there was a party I went to. It was for the Political Science club.
I met a guy.
I gave him my number.
He facebooked me and asked if we could have dinner sometime.
I said yes.
We went downtown to First Friday, and viewed the photographs and art. Shockingly, he liked to look like I like to look.
We talked and talked. Talked all night, saw a sunrise together. He kissed me a half hour before sunrise.
He went on a backpacking trip and I tried to get homework done. He took me out to dinner on Sunday, I saw him yesterday too. Jessica approves, first time she ever has. Never liked Seth, nor Mike, nor any of my other beaus, she tried to fix me up with Scott but well I've never had feelings for Scott.
We have a lot of similarities, but one big difference. He is two years younger than I am.
I don't know what to do. I like him a lot, but I don't want to get my heart broken again.
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| I walked into where I pick up my paychecks and spoke to my Supervisor, and gave her my letter of resignation.
I am no longer working for Abrio. I figured I probably shouldn't after I got the Anxiety Attack I did, due to being physically abused by my client. My supervisor knew why. but I wrote on my letter of resignation it was due to the stress of school. She told me to go get some counseling.
I am probably going to be getting a lot of counseling actually. One from NAU, and another from Lamb of God. It's my church. Lamb of God's services are free for those who go through the church, and these people have degrees with in the field of Psychology. So its a fairly safe bet.
I think my heart's broken. Though I don't know from whom, or when.
There are many I haven't forgiven yet, something a Christian is supposed to do, but I barely know how to start. I don't think its just a say and all will be well sort of thing, but its something I am working on.
I am also working on a better relationship with God himself.
Mike told me that he just wanted to be friends a little while ago, but honestly it seems like its no skin off my back. Maybe he has always just been a friend and thats that.
I am reading an amazing book called Captivating. Its about the Christian feminine heart. It is all about how we try to fill up ourselves with drugs, alcohol, or in my case boys in order to try to fill that insatiable thirst we all seem to have. That thirst is only satisfied by God.
I feel better by going to him for my problems, no he can not hold me, but mentally, I have become better because of him.
I am gonna need to find a different job, probably one with plants. | | |
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